Surgery

Things are just not going as well as I want them to. This year was supposed to be a new start and all that and it is but in the bad way. We have been getting our house ready to sell and looking to the ends of the earth to find a decent house to live in for a while to save money so we can build our own house, but there is nothing out there that is decent. I feel we need to move but it's just making us waste more money by staying just because there is nothing out there. I feel empty. I hate our current house, I hate looking for houses that we can't afford and the stress that comes with it, I hate not having money, I hate being overwhelmed by family, enemies, house work, surgeries, and everything else. I feel like just bawling my head off because of it all but I can't because my stomach hurts from the recent surgery I just had. I got temporarily kicked out the group that I sing with that I love so much for stupid reasons, I have horrible health and horrible people around me that don't give a crap about me, and I hate me and marty's callings. I hate it when people bug me about church, why can't I just go without pressure? I need a break. I just want a house where I can just be me, and have a master bedroom, a fenced yard, a 2 car garage and all that stuff, but you have to be a millionaire for all that. I want my kids to stop bossing me around and stop acting like brats, nobody wants to be around them because they are acting out so bad. I want marty to make up his stupid mind about things instead of making me do them because he takes so long to decide. I want his and my family to stop treating me as if I don't matter and actually care that I am still alive after the surgery that I am struggling so hard to get recovered from. I want money so I don't have to use my credit card to pay bills, I want marty to stop thinking about getting a second job because if he does that I really will go off a cliff. (Emotionally). I want to stop having to take so many dang medicines just to make me feel good. I just want life to stop for a while and let me catch up.